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When your partner hides money or drains accounts behind your back, it's not a mistake — it's a message. And that message is: they are already planning for the divorce. Divorce doesn't start in the court. It starts with the warning signs. I'm Ilona Antonyan, a divorce attorney who has seen it all, and I'm here to point out the red flags that turn relationships toxic and divorce cases messy. This is The Warning Signs, and these are behaviors you can't afford to ignore. Today's red flag: hidden assets and secret spending. Here's what that may look like in real life. One partner secretly opens a credit card. They move money into an account you don't have access to. They drain joint savings for emergencies they've never agreed on. Sometimes it's subtle — like cash withdrawals, unexplained Venmo transfers, or expensive purchases that never seem to show up at home. Other times it's bold: wiping out accounts overnight, or quietly building debt in your name. This isn't just financial miscommunication. It's financial deceit, and it can create a ripple effect that turns divorce from difficult to devastating. I have different types of cases where the other spouse was trying to hide money to reduce the assets that are left to divide at the time of divorce. You may have to argue in family court over what was the real date of separation. Should the court use the balances as of that alleged date of separation in the bank account, or a balance as of the earlier date, because there was more money before? And the monies that were taken out of the bank account potentially were not used for the benefit of your household and community, but they were spent on other things that you may not be aware of — and perhaps the other side has that cash sitting somewhere else. It's hard to prove cash in court unless you can identify where it is and you counted it. I had a case like that a long time ago. My client's daughter took photographs of the safe that father kept at home, and stacks of cash that he withdrew from his business and other accounts, before he let my client know he had an affair and he's moving on. There were thousands of dollars in there, so she took a photograph of the money that was in that safe. The problem was that she did not count it. And although the photograph showed stacks and stacks of money, it was unclear whether these stacks were $100 bills, $20 bills or other types of bills. Now, because her father in a divorce proceeding with the mom was not participating, we were successful in using those photographs to show the existence of cash, and to tie the monies withdrawn from the bank accounts to those balances charged to him — because by the time they got to court, that cash was gone. In a different case, I represented the wife whose husband was in the real estate business. And when it comes to real estate business, there are many ways they can hide assets, money and income. If someone is a real estate professional, as long as they work so many hours a year as a real estate professional, they get a lot of write-offs, and can transfer income, loans and different business transactions between different entities to confuse the out-spouse. In that case, he rented his new apartments with his lover through a different business entity, which also held other real estate. That way it wasn't from their bank accounts, but was through business books and written off. Then a lot of travel costs, private jets, expensive club memberships, a lot of free benefits, points and perks at different casinos. So to track all those perks and benefits that come for free, and not through your personal bank accounts, is a little bit more complicated, and it requires tracing on the books and tax returns. It may look like they're losing money, but the only reason they are not showing income on their personal tax returns is because they have multiple entities that are loaning money to each other, never paying off the loan, which is really income that's not taxable to them. Like if someone has an American Express card, it could have millions of points they could cash for airline tickets, for gift cards. If you don't pay attention to those details in a divorce proceeding, you will leave that on the table. So in this case, the husband — although he was poor on paper and didn't want to pay child support — in real life he was living a really good life: living in a luxury apartment paid by the business, free trips and jets, free stays at hotels, luxury dining and everything else that was run through the business, while my client was suffering with little to no income and had to go to court to fight and prove what he actually earned and had access to. Unfortunately, sometimes that takes a lot of time and is very expensive to get to trial and prove the other person's fraud. But if you prove it, there are consequences, depending on the extent of the fraud. So what are the implications for you? If you believe your partner is either withdrawing money, concealing assets or hiding something, you may be entitled to — what I recommend is that you keep documentation of those assets you may be suspicious about, that the partner may be selling, hiding or transferring, so you could have proof when you are in the middle of a divorce proceeding or legal separation. The best advice, if you are confident that's happening, is to file for divorce as soon as possible. And I hate to say that you need to file for divorce, but that is the only way that automatic temporary restraining orders go into effect. Once the other person is served, then they're not supposed to sell, conceal or hide any assets from you without your permission or permission from court. It does not mean it's not going to happen, because if they're trying to be sneaky about it, they will do it. But it could be a strong deterrent. It puts them on notice. And if they continue to do that, and you discover the loss of asset or sale or transfer after they were served with the summons and petition, then there are legal consequences to them for violating the automatic temporary restraining orders. They could be held in contempt, which is a semi-criminal proceeding, for violating the court order — because what's printed on the summons of the divorce petition is considered an order. It's automatic. You don't have to go through with a divorce, but you can send a strong message that you're going to stand up for yourself, if you highly suspect or have actual proof that concealment or sale of assets is happening behind your back. So some of the common warning signs of hidden assets. Unexplained financial changes: all of a sudden they're making withdrawals, or you see transfers to unknown accounts, frequent ATM cash withdrawals without explaining, or blowing you off as to what it's about. Also, if their lifestyle is inconsistent with the income they're reporting to court on an income and expense declaration. For example, a spouse who owns a business can suddenly report declining profits, although they're maintaining the same lifestyle. Do they have loans? Do they take on new debt? Is someone else helping them pay their bills? Where is that money coming from? Payments to phantom employees or suspicious vendors is another thing I've seen in my practice. When I talked about the person who owned real estate companies — it was during COVID, and he processed payroll through other companies that he had control over, through other people, and then they gave him cash. Now, that is fraud. And sometimes you see that in a divorce proceeding, because they're minimizing their income. Also, if you've been filing taxes together throughout your entire marriage and all of a sudden they want to file separately, that should also be a red flag. There may be a reason why. New bank accounts, new credit cards being opened, or potentially new deposit boxes — that's a red flag. Purchasing expensive items of jewelry or collectibles that you then don't see, but you saw them on your bank statement — that's also a red flag, because they could be preserving those assets for themselves and then not disclosing them. If there is a retirement account that has, I don't know, $10,000 in it, but you've proven that the $5,000 painting is gone, was in possession of your husband — that $5,000 painting, half of that belongs to you, $2,500. That $2,500 would be charged against the $10,000 that's in that retirement account. Now, $2,500 is reduced from your husband's $5,000, so you get $7,500 and they get $2,500. On the topic of creating debt in the other spouse's name, I've seen that happen also to non-marital partners — boyfriend and girlfriend. Be careful who you trust with your Social Security number and signature. They could open up credit cards with your name and then ruin your credit. Now you may have to deal with a credit bureau to address the debt that may be in your name, and how to get rid of it. Are you going to be able to go to court and prove someone else opened up an account in your name without your consent? Possibly. The problem is nowadays that a lot of things are signed electronically, so to say "it's not my signature" will be a little harder without you proving what IP address — which, from a legal perspective, is another hurdle to overcome. They can cost you more money, more stress, and worst of all, it will ruin your credit until you're able to prove fraud in either a civil or family law proceeding, and then show that judgment to the credit agency. Also, go to your local police website and make a report for identity theft. Document it. Because if you don't do anything about it — if you just complain about it but don't make official government reports — then when you're going to be in family court, it's going to weaken your case. Here is the warning sign to look out for. When control replaces communication, and money starts disappearing into the shadows, you're not just in a rocky relationship — you are in the opening act of a legal battle. If your partner is hiding assets or secretly spending, it's evidence. Treat it as such. I am Ilona Antonyan, and this is The Warning Signs. If you recognize this red flag in your relationship, there are steps you can take to protect yourself legally and financially. 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